To, Hi, Mas Arya

I want you to grow into a man who is not only good at making money, but also gentle, emotionally mature, and aware. Someone who can read situations, who doesn’t just listen, but truly understands.

I don’t always want to have to explain everything, especially when I’m upset. Sometimes, I just want you to notice. To take the initiative. To reach out, to soften things, to make me feel like I’m not alone in fixing what’s broken between us.

I’m not asking for too much. I really don’t. I know time can’t be turned back, and I know understanding someone deeply isn’t easy. Learning each other takes effort, patience, and intention.

But in the same way I’ve been trying to understand you—even when it’s hard, even when I’m confused about how to handle the distance you create—I hope you can try to understand me too. Because it hasn’t been easy for me either.

Do you actually know how to handle me when I’m upset? do you know the little things that can calm me down, the way I like to be approached. That’s why it hurts when it feels like you give up too easily instead of trying.

I’m not asking for flowers, or for you to buy me things every time I’m mad. I’m not asking for anything extravagant. I just need to feel your effort, your willingness to stay, to figure things out with me.

Because when you truly know someone, you also know what you bring into the relationship… what you bring to us. And I want to feel that from you. I just want to feel that I matter enough for you to try.

It’s not about expecting you to be perfect. It’s about feeling cared for without having to ask for it every single time.

At the end of the day, I’m writing this because when I say things over chat, it might come off like I’m being harsh or emotional. Maybe putting it into words like this will help you understand me better, and maybe… soften your heart a little too.

Because the truth is, I’m not trying to fight you. I’m trying to feel close to you again.

I still choose you. I just need to feel that you choose me too, not only when things are easy, but also when things are hard.